My Ex

     So, I met this guy while we were working together at a grocery store.  This was the only relationship I've had in which I was not friends with the guy first.  It was awkward at first because I was a year older and then our parents sort of knocked heads but we didn't seem to care
    
     We got engaged 3 months, into our relationship.  We both knew that it was way too soon to just jump the broom but we were certain at the time that this was it. The news of the engagement did not go over well with our parents, should have been a sign then but, fools in love.

    So after a year of dating, we moved in together.  We did get along really well until about 6 months of living together.  On top of totaling my car and bills mounting, we starting cracking under the pressure.  We finally, actually he finally, financed a car in his name for me to drive. His mother hit the roof and took his car when she found out.  So we still only have one car.  We eventually got a second car, but our relationship was cracking.  When it came time to renew our lease, we were looking together but I eventually thought it was better for us to not live together for awhile.

     I got my own place and our relationship seemed to improve with us being able to have breathing room from one another.  Well ,  I couldn't afford my apartment like I thought I could and the stress of deciding between lights, food and rent took a told on my relationship.  We argued over stupid things cause I was stressing and so was he since he was working two jobs and trying to help his mother, and me and get into the airforce.

Turning Point
   So,  My 21st birthday rolled around and I was sick and guess who was NOT at my side.  Very tramuatizing, however; an ex came crawling out of the shadows and told me Happy Birthday.  I was shocked that after so long he swallowed his pride and was able to tell me happy birthday.

     So me and my ex were clinging to our relationship. Until in October of that year,  he told me that he didn't see a future with one another and he decided that we should stop wasting each other's time.  That lasted all of one day but it was a huge dent in my confidence of him.  So we were on shakey ground for about a month before he officially broke up with me.  We were still hanging out and acting like a couple until he told me he was going with someone else.  Totally, devastated, lost about 30 pounds and alot of sleep. Who shoulder did I cry on: my ex that called me on my birthday.

   So been hanging out for about two months and out of no where he wants to talk and wants to apologize and he lied, he hadn't been with another female. And he had lost about 2 dress sizes (which was true).  He had made a huge mistake and I needed to give him another chance.  I did, which totally crushed my friend that had been supporting me for the last two months.

     So during our hiatus, he had enlisted in the Airforce and would be leaving and be gone for 5 months.  I waited for him during this time. Flew out to see him and was faithful to him.  I did spend one weekend with my friend on his b-day and nothing happened.  I was upfront with my fiancee and of course he hit the roof.  But he got over it.  He finally came back from basic and we spent some time together before his first duty station.

     I helped drive this man across the country and flew back home.  This was the end.  He started being really jealous and not answering my phone calls and being really short on the phone.  During this time, I was pushing for us to finally tie the knot and I wanted to transfer my job and school to his duty station.  He kept saying no and I started to realize every time I had been bringing up a date, he clammed up on me.  I finally put my foot and gave him a ultimatum.  Marry me by the end of year and let me come live there or stop wasting my time.  He wanted me to wait another year (we've been engaged for 3.5 years), and I said no.  That was it.

   It wasn't easy.  I didn't want it to end, I honestly thought he would be honest with me on whether he wanted to marry me, it just turned in to him ostracizing me on how childish I was being for not waiting and how I had been leading him on for our entire relationship. And bad mouth, and bad mouth and I was wrong and bad mouth and bad mouth. So finally I said if he couldn't be civil to me, we shouldn't talk and it ended there.

   I really wanted to keep him in my life, I wanted to marry this man.  I don't know what happened to bring it to the end,but we haven't spoke in 7th months and I have spouts of depression because of it.  Despite what happened, I miss him

Officially Fed Up

     Ok, Facebook and Twitter is not a good place to vent and who searches a person's blog?  I need somewhere to vent my frustration and I could care less what other people have to say.  I always have some evil days and I just need to be able to get it out and let it go.

   Background notice: I work two jobs, go to school, went through the demolishment of a 3+ year relationship, lost my best friend of 11 years, and my mother just went to Afghanistan.  Life sucks for me

     I have a new boyfriend and I'm developing a new relationship with a new BFF, but I'm not one to let people out of my life.  I hate making someone a memory; don't really have a choice now.  For one of the first times in my life,  I truly feel alone